Chapter 12 – The Penitence of Faith
“Depart from me; for I am a sinful man, O Lord." Luke 5: 8.
The
Savior had unveiled His glory to Peter. He had wonderfully blessed His
work of faith, "At Thy word I will let down the net," and at the same
time made Himself known as the mighty Ruler over nature, the beneficent
Friend of His disciples. Of all this grace, the fruit and the result
was that Peter cast Himself before the Lord with the prayer: "Depart
from me; for I am a sinful man.”
The glory of the Lord appeared to him so clearly in that light of
faith, and his own sinfulness became to him so manifest, that out of
dread and self-abasement he uttered this cry: a clear proof that true
faith has as its fruit a deeper humiliation for sin and knowledge of
it, sincere and inward penitence.
And this lesson is of great importance
for many who are in the way of faith. They think that they cannot be
believing, because they are not yet deeply enough convinced of sin. And
they do not observe that this word has not yet defined how deeply one
must feel sin before one may come to Jesus: it has fixed no measure.
The first sense of need must bring us to Him. They do not understand
that this remaining apart from Jesus is just the way to make their
sense of sin less, and, what is especially of importance, that, on the
other hand, an incipient faith may become the means of increasing this
sense of sin. Always the closer to the light, the more visible the
impurity; the nearer to the Holy One, the stronger the sense of
unworthiness; the more blessed with grace, the deeper the conviction of
sin.
As with Peter, so with all believers. The
hour of the revelation ,of Jesus' grace and love are the times of the
deepest abasement. And these times are for the most part not at the
beginning, but in the later progress of the life of faith. Consider the
case of Peter: he has to attain his true knowledge of sin at his denial
of the Lord, well-nigh three years after he had already said: "We have
believed and known that Thou art the Christ." Think also of Jacob: how
the Lord made with him at Bethel the covenant of His grace, and yet
first brought him to the recognition of his sinfulness twenty years
later, in the crisis of the wrestling by night, in which the Lord came
to meet him as an antagonist, to break down the old nature and the
power of the flesh. Think also of David and the glorious experiences of
God's help and friendship which he as a youth tasted when he was a
shepherd and fought against Goliath: it was much later in life that he
had to enter into the path of suffering, ere he could see sin unveiled.
And so there are still ever so many, in whose case it is manifest that
the Lord first leads their souls to faith, and then later on, through
faith, to the full knowledge of sin, to genuine penitence.
Accordingly, let the soul who desires to
become more humble and to turn back to God as one that is guilty
understand that doubt and unbelief will not help him in this but rather
hinder him; but that on the contrary faith can bring on the way to
obtain all this fruit. Let the soul who doubts if he indeed has faith,
and may have it, consider that, while his feeling of unworthiness and
guilt causes so much darkness and anxiety in the depths of his spirit,
it is only in this poverty of the soul that faith can flourish, and
that it is by this means that he will be driven to his Lord. And let
the soul who believes never forget that this must be one of the
indispensable fruits and proofs of the sincerity of his faith, namely,
a constantly growing self-abhorrence and a becoming less in his own
eyes, according to the word of the Lord to His people:
"I will establish my covenant with you, that ye may be ashamed, when I
shall make atonement for you, for all that thou hast done, saith the
Lord." (Ezek. 16: 61-63). (Note: Dutch version.)
Reader, why do you not believe? Surely it
is not that you will still wait for more penitence and contrition of
heart. Ah, no: this last grace, too, is always a fruit of faith.
Believe today in the grace of Him who conies to you. All that is
lacking in you must stir you up to this. With Him you receive
everything that you are going to seek elsewhere in vain .